This page is
REALLY long, so if you want to read all the quotes, make sure you have
a sh*tload of free time on your hands.
| "I am Holly the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6000, the same IQ as
6000 P.E. teachers."
Norman Lovett, Red Dwarf |
| "I told this one mother that her son had been killed, and she said;
Is it broken?"
George Clooney, ER |
| "Did you really think you could call up the devil and ask him to behave?"
David Duchovny, The X-Files |
| "A rose, by any other name, would still smell as sweet."
William Shakespeare |
| "Men say alot of things... only listen to a third of it."
Leila Kenzle, Mad About You |
| "Take your time, don't just hop on top."
Jamie White, Star 98.7 Morning Show |
| "You're about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican."
Chris Barrie, Red Dwarf |
| "Stop smiling and start exfoliating."
Frosty Stillwell, Star 98.7 Morning Show |
| "Clear my mind of extraneous thought. Wait, does that count as an extraneous
thought?"
Ellen DeGeneres, Ellen |
| "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
Tom Clancy |
| "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Elanor Roosevelt |
| "Everytime A Republican Dies A Queer Angel Gets Their Wings."
Unknown |
| "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
Albert Einstein |
| "Nuke a godless communist gay baby seal for Christ."
Unknown |
| "Humans aren't the only species on Earth. We just act like it."
Unknown |
| "Support your right to arm bears."
Unknown |
| "When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why
the poor have no food, they call me a communist."
Dom Helder, Cameraman |
| "Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people...
it is true that most stupid people are conservative."
John Stuart Mill |
| "I think, therefore I'm dangerous."
Unknown |
| "My Karma ran over your Dogma."
Unknown |
| "It'll be a great day when our schools get all the money they need
and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber."
Unknown |
| "God was my copilot but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat
him."
Unknown |
| "Well, hey, I didn't spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons
and not learn a little something about courage."
Someguy from The X-Files episode Jose Chung's From Outer Space |
| "Well, the truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination."
Andrew Robinson, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine |
| "Not one step backwards."
Josef Stalin |
| "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining."
Judge Judy |
| "Out! Out, you demons of stupidity!"
Dogbert |
| "If it weren't for sarcasm, my life would sound pathetic."
Dilbert |
| "Everyone is entitled to my opinion."
David Brinkley |
| "Go ahead, be different! Cause, that's what everybody else is doing."
Dennis Miller |
| "Living on the edge is jumping off the cliff, and building your wings
on the way down."
Ray Bradbury |
| "Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined."
The late movie mogul Samuel Goldwin |
| "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday"
Unknown |
| "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side,
and it holds the Universe together."
Unknown |
| "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those
of us who do."
Unknown |
| "A man is as young as the woman he feels!"
Groucho Marx |
| "The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other
bastard die for his."
Gen. George Patton |
| "Please provide the date of your death."
From an IRS letter |
| "The road of good intentions is paved with Hell."
Spencer Ante |
| "If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Brooke Sheilds |
| "A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go.
You'll just be walking down the street, and... ooooohhhhhh, that's much
better."
Steven Wright |
| "I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble."
Augustus Caeser |
| "Tis time to fear when tyrants seem to kiss"
William Shakespeare |
| "We are the people our parents warned us about."
Jimmy Buffet |
| "So here I am the victim of my own choices, and I'm just starting."
Calista Flockhart, Ally McBeal |
| "Ally, one of the keys to life: the fast forward. Every movie has its
lousy parts. The trick is to fast forward through them."
Greg Gerrman, Ally McBeal |
| "What do you want, you moon-faced assassin of joy?"
Peter Jurasik, Babylon 5 |
| "It's bad luck to die on empty stomach."
Andreas Katsulas, Babylon 5 |
| "How about we sing Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch in D minor."
Eric Cartman, South Park |
| "Government pay is so abysmally low, many politicians these days supplement
their incomes by giving talks. For instance, Mario Cuomo makes about $20,000
per speech, Oliver North gets up to $25,000 an hour, and Bob Packwood gets
$3.95 a minute."
Bill Maher |
| "The great thing about this country is that we have freedom of speech!
Is it okay to say that?"
Ratbert |
| "Oh yeah. I'm a toe suckin' machine."
Frank Kramer, Star 98.7 Morning Show |
| "Have you ever sucked a toe?"
"Frank if I actually sat on one I'm sure I've sucked one." "You've sat and sucked on everything haven't ya'?" Frank and Jamie, Star 98.7 Morning Show |
| "I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid."
Lance Henriksen, Aliens |
| "That's it man! Game over man! Game over!"
Bill Paxton, Aliens |
| "Goodnight mother."
"Goodnight John boy." "Goodnight Hardcastle." "Goodnight McCormick" "Goodnight chief." "Goodnight McCloud!" Tom Servo, Crow T. Robort, and Joel Hodgeson, Mystery Science Theater 3000 |
| "You know what my kids would say..."
"You're not my real father!" Unknown and Tom Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie |
| "Place your hands above the rails. (weird noise) They're magnetized."
"And if your hands were metal that would mean something." Unknown and Mike Nelson, Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie |
| "God is in the details."
Freeman Dyson |
| "What we perceive about other creatures is often delimited by our accustomed
scale of size or time. An adult mayfly, during it's one day of earthly
life, may well view tadpoles as immutable species."
Stephen Jay Gould |
| "Searchers after horror haunt strange, far places. For them are the
catacombs of Ptolemais, and the carven mausolea of the nightmare countries.
They climb to the moonlit towers of ruined Rhine castles, and falter down
through cobwebbed steps beneath the scattered stones of forgotten cities
in Asia. The haunted wood and desolate mountain are their shrines.... But
the true epicure in the terrible, to whom a new thrill of unutterable
ghastliness is the chief end and justification of exsistance, esteems most
of all the ancient, lonely farmhouses of backwoods New England; for there
the dark elements of strength, solitude, grotesqueness, and ignorance combine
to form the perfection of the hideous."
H.P. Lovecraft |
| "Not to be unkind, but nitpicking this episode requires all the finesse
of fishing with dynamite."
Phil Farrand, The Nitpicker's Guide For X-Philes |
| "There we were, in the middle of a sexual revolution, wearing clothing
that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid!"
Denis Leary, No Cure For Cancer |
| "Earth. What a shit hole."
Ron Perlman, Alien Resurrection |
| "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but
I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
Former President Richard Nixon |
| "Nobody is going to give two whoops wether you wear a veil over your
glasses or under your glasses. A funeral is no style show."
Ann Landers |
| "Oh, she's a great cook, though, really. Her duck and fennel omelette
on a bed of scallops and Hollandaise sauce with truffles and sweetbreads'll
make you snap into a fetal position and have you in bed screaming for a
month."
Woody Allen, Manhattan Murder Mystery |
| "It will take a long time to find another enemy with the combination
of evil and incompetence you see in Scientology."
Keith Henson |
| "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
Philip K. Dick |
| "We don't pay taxes. The little people pay taxes."
Leona Helmsley |
| "You can't write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say sometimes,
so you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream."
Frank Zappa |
| "It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear."
Dick Cavett |
| "How can you have a one party system in a country that has over 200
varieties of cheese?"
Charles de Gaulle |
| "Some of us worship in churches, some in synagouges, some on golf courses."
Former Presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson on Religious Freedom |
| "As a lifelong Detroiter, I take great umbrage at Jim Mullen's slam
at the Motor City. Mr. Mullen compares the Y2K disaster to life in Detroit
(blackouts, fires, looting, gunshots, and giant traffic jams), when everyone
knows Detroit doesn't have traffic jams."
Ron Hall, writing a letter to Entertainment Weekly |
| "I don't understand how all these kids got nterested in collecting
toys. When I was a kid we played with our toys... and destroyed them with
chery bombs."
Ron Howard |
| "Looking back, there were signs. As a child you were overly fond of
the nursery rhyme 'rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub.'"
Veronica Cartwright, Will & Grace, as Jack's mom |
| "I learned if you kiss her too fast, you get an ice cream headache."
David Hyde Pierce, Frasier, talking about Lilith |
| "Nobody likes a math geek Scully."
David Duchovny, The X-Files, after Gillian Anderson points out that the new Millenium actually starts in 2001 |
| "Fine white flakes sifted across the shallow slash of the spotlight
in the town square. Callous gift of a coldhearted mother Earth: a hard
blessing of snow that fell and fell and fell. The sculptures carved of
brittle ice looked too small, insignificant, in the wavering, jaundiced
holes in the night. Above it all the clouds hung like dirty laundry."
Opening line from Nordic Nights by Lise McClendon |
| "If there's one thing I really hate, it's bodice ripping. If anybody
ripped anything I was wearing, I'd kill them."
Jullianne Moore on sex in the movies. Taken from interview on BigStar.com |
| "Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. Ivanova is god.
And, if I ever do something this stupid again, Ivanova will rip my lungs
out."
Claudia Christian, Babylon 5 |
| "640K ought to be enough for anybody."
Bill Gates, circa 1981 |
| "Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same
oven."
Yiddish proverb |
| "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the
lesson afterward."
Vernon Law, baseball pitcher |
| "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the
life in your years."
Abraham Lincoln |
| "It often takes more courage to change ones opinion than to keep it."
Willy Brandt |
| "Even on the road to hell, flowers can make you smile."
Deng Ming-Dao |
| "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
Alfred Lord Tennyson |
| "There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual
in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION
people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there
are still a thousand guys exactly like you."
A. Whitney Brown, The Big Picture |
| "Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it
and the frog generally dies as a result."
Unknown |
| "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac."
Henry Kissinger, on sexual attraction |
| "A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic."
Josef Stalin |
| "Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is
a game with rules and no objectives."
Unknown |
| "When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth
and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers,
and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall.
Think of it... always."
Mahatma Gandhi |
| "Half the things that people do not succeed in, are through fear of
making the attempt."
James Northcote |
| "Ageing isn't that bad if you consider the alternatives."
Maurice Chevalier |
| "Could it fly?"
Military fellow wondering about a 500-foot wingspanned pterodactyl in Rodan |
| "A magazine is not amirror. Have you ever seen anyone in a magazine
who seemed even vaguely like you looking back? (If you have turn the page.)
Most magazines are made to sell us a fantasy of what we're supposed to
be. They reflect what society deems to be a standard, however unrealisitc
or unattainable that standard is. That doesn't mean you should cancel your
subsription. It means you need to remember that it's just ink on paper.
And that whatever standards you set for yourself, for how much you want
to weigh, for how hard you work out, or how many times you make it to the
gym, should be your standards. Not someone else's."
A Nike ad |
| "As one whose husband and mother-in-law have both died the victims
of murder assassination, I stand firmly and unequivocally opposed to the
death penalty for those convicted of capital offenses. An evil deed is
not redeemed by an evil deed of retaliation. Justice is never advanced
in the taking of a human life. Morality is never upheld by legalized murder."
Coretta Scott King |